“I Felt Guilty for Setting Boundaries”

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I didn’t expect guilt to come with boundaries. I thought the moment I started choosing myself, I would feel lighter, stronger, more at peace. Instead, I felt uncomfortable. Heavy. Like I was doing something wrong by finally saying no.

For so long, I was used to being available. I replied quickly. I adjusted plans. I listened even when I was tired. Being there for others became my default setting. So when I started pulling back, even a little, guilt followed me everywhere.

I questioned myself constantly. Am I being selfish? Am I overreacting? What if they think I’ve changed? What if they leave? The truth is, I wasn’t afraid of losing people – I was afraid of disappointing them. I had learned to measure my worth by how much I gave, not by how well I protected myself.

Setting boundaries felt unnatural at first. Saying no felt rude. Taking space felt cold. Choosing my peace felt like betrayal. I had spent so much time prioritizing others that prioritizing myself felt like a crime.

People noticed the change. Some respected it. Some didn’t. And some made me feel guilty for it – consciously or not. They questioned my distance. They missed the version of me who never said no. That version was convenient. This one wasn’t.

What hurt the most was realizing how much of my guilt came from conditioning. I had been taught that being kind meant being available, that being loving meant being flexible, that setting limits meant pushing people away. No one taught me that boundaries are a form of self-respect.

Over time, I started understanding something important. The guilt wasn’t a sign that my boundaries were wrong. It was a sign that I was doing something new. Something unfamiliar. Something that challenged the version of me people were comfortable with.

Slowly, the guilt started fading. Not completely, but enough for me to breathe. I began to notice how much calmer I felt. How less anxious I was. How I no longer resented people silently. Boundaries didn’t make me harder to love – they made my relationships healthier.

Now I know this: if setting boundaries makes someone uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means they were benefiting from your lack of limits. And choosing yourself will always feel uncomfortable before it feels empowering.

I still feel guilty sometimes. But I don’t let that guilt control me anymore. Because I’ve learned that protecting my energy isn’t selfish – it’s necessary. And I don’t need to apologize for choosing myself.

If this resonated with you, know that you’re not wrong for feeling guilty while choosing yourself. Unlearning people-pleasing takes time, and growth isn’t always comfortable. Writing this helped me understand myself better, and sharing it is my way of letting others feel less alone in this process.

If this piece spoke to you, you can follow me on Medium. I write about boundaries, emotional healing, self-worth, and the quiet shifts that change us from the inside. You can also clap for this article if it helped you reflect – it truly supports my work.

Thank you for reading till the end.

Sometimes the hardest part of healing is allowing yourself to choose you.