My Dogs Are Teaching Me to Fight the Patriarchy

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A Starting Over at 60 blog

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My starting over has stalled. Stalled, stuck, stopped, stuffed. At least it feels that way. Truth is: I’ve been busy. I’m still packing up and unpacking, getting settled and getting used to less space. In typical mom fashion, I’m helping my husband and daughters organize and center. I come last.

Each batch starts the process over. I pack the boxes. Chuck loads and unloads the car. I sort, unpack, organize, clean and place. Where do extra toiletries go? Why do I have 3 first aid kits? Should I switch out warm and cold weather clothes? Do I pack or use up jar candles I bought on sale last spring? Where do I store our pre-tariff stock of cans of tomatoes, pasta sauce, soups and chili; boxes of almond milk, cereal, coffees and teas; jars of jam, fruit and peanut butter? We won’t be affected by rising grocery prices for months — a good thing — but moving and organizing have been a chore.

I’m also nursing a hurt dog. My chihuahua-mix Snoopy hurt his back and cannot run or jump for 3 weeks. He’s on anti-inflammatory and pain medication, which makes him sleepy and pitiful. Preventing him from moving has reduced my activity and step count, and also has made me a human dog bed for my sister’s chihuahua, Snoopy and my other dog.

But this is the source of my latest life lesson — I’m getting to the point in the title of this blog — that is a good “starting over” reminder: rest and stasis are powerful acts of rebellion and resistance for women.

Seems like a big leap? Stay with me.

I have spent most of my life resisting rest. I sleep too little, I push myself to move and get my daily step counts, I teach Jazzercise several days a week, and I schedule my days for productivity across all of my self-motivated careers. I am my own drill sergeant, overly disciplined, barking my own hup-to’s. I clean, de-clutter, straighten, put away. I’m far from a traditional wife, yet I remain busy daily caring for my family.

These dogs, however, are wise little teachers. Nursing Snoopy is showing me stillness, repose, intermittent dozing, and what I call stress dumping — draining my body of any tension, pain, self-judgment or worldly criticism. I am a blissful lump on the couch.

Dogs are wonderful panaceas for today’s busyness culture. They remind me that the need to drive one’s self to exhaustion is part of the brokenness of today’s male-dominated culture. We women are taught to distrust ourselves and our own instincts. We thrash ourselves with demanding daily goals and requirements. We spend our days elated by our productivity or depressed from falling short. This demand has a purpose, I’ve realized. If we women stay on the ever-spinning wheel, then we are distracted from fighting the unrelenting and unrealistic standards thrust upon is in our uber-capitalist, authoritarian society.

I’ve heard more about women’s roles in the past ten months than I have heard in the last decade. This is largely because of the role-retrenchment led by the far right. Project 2025 recalls woman’s role as a “helpmeet” to her husband, resurrecting Genesis 2:18. Although the original Hebrew word refers to equal partnership, Western Christianity has bent it to mean support of or servitude toward men. In other words, a woman’s role not just for far right nationalist men but for many men today is to help them succeed by freeing them from the concerns of daily labor — such as food purchasing and preparation, cleaning, child rearing and errands.

I watched a TikTok reel yesterday — while blissfully sitting on the couch with my hurt dog — of men sharing definitions of a woman’s role. These ranged from mundane tasks such as “running around and picking up my medications” to washing and setting out clothes to wear to keeping the house clutter free to sexual gratification. These men want women to remain busy with the needs of the material world — their material world — so they can concentrate on higher order thinking. How nice for them.

Indeed, it is nice for them. These activities are never ending. The house always needs cleaning, children always need raising, humans always need food for sustenance. Women are never done with these chores — they renew themselves every day of the week, including weekends. Women who choose to carry out these duties for men and their families, are mired in lower order labor, unpaid and unappreciated. Women are so busy with these chores they have no time for self-care or self development. They are chained to satisfying others. “Other” focus is the hallmark of the traditional female role espoused by Western Christianity.

My forced dog-cation helped see this — thanks to Snoopy, Bean and Toto, my little rest gurus. When I organize the whole family for their own gratification and peace, I distract myself from my goals and my well-being. I busy myself with “other” rather than with self. Stopping to rest, then, is the ultimate act of defiance.

Every time a woman refuses to buy into traditional demands, she embraces equality. Rest allows freeform thinking, creative meandering and unfettered fantasizing. These states are necessary for thinking and creating, activities Western Christianity and patriarchy typically reserve for men.

My advice to all women: sit down with your dog (or cat or by yourself), dump the stress, empty your mind and do nothing. Rest. When you do this, you are creating space for yourself as a self-determining, self-focused human being. This may be a small act of defiance, a micro moment of breaking the patriarchy, but it’s better than none.

I got all of this from dogs. When I lie down with dogs, to recall one of my dad’s favorite sayings, I don’t come up with fleas. I rise with wisdom. Dogs are teaching me how to resist, rethink and repurpose patriarchal expectations in favor of self care, self development and self invention. Let’s start a lovely new resistance movement called rest.

I would love to hear from you, even if, especially if, you disagree. Perhaps we can bring back the American tradition of debate. Please like and share this blog with others. Subscribe to receive it by email and go directly to the Walk the Moon website (www.walk-the-moon.com) to peruse the full collection of articles and updates. You can email me from the Walk the Moon website as well.