The Privilege of Self-Belief

14 min read

7 hours ago

Sarah is twenty-three years old the first time she realizes that confidence might not be a personality trait.

She’s in a meeting. Maya, who started the same week she did, has just been asked a question she clearly doesn’t know the answer to.

Sarah watches Maya’s face and waits for the small collapse she knows is coming – the apologetic smile, the verbal hedging, the careful retreat into qualifiers and maybe-I’m-wrongs.

It doesn’t come. Maya just says, with the kind of ease that suggests she’s never considered an alternative, “That’s a good question. I’ll look into it and get back to you.” Then she writes it down and looks up, ready for whatever comes next.

Sarah on the other hand has apologized three times already today. Once for being two minutes late to a meeting that started five minutes late. Twice for asking a clarifying question. Thrice for apologizing too much, which made the VP laugh in a way that felt kind but landed somewhere more complicated, and Sarah smiled back while crafting a fourth apology silently in the space where no one could hear it but her.

At first, Sarah assumes this is about temperament. Some people are born bolder, wired with more natural confidence, blessed with the kind of personality that doesn’t flinch. But she’s been cataloging this phenomenon for months now…