I Wasn’t Asking for Too Much – I Was Asking the Wrong People

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For a long time, I thought I was the problem. I thought I expected too much, felt too deeply, needed too much reassurance. So I started lowering my expectations. I told myself not to mind late replies, not to feel bad when people didn’t show up for me, not to expect consistency or effort. I believed wanting less would hurt less, but it didn’t.

I was always the one adjusting. Waiting. Understanding. Giving people the benefit of the doubt again and again. I explained their behavior to myself when they never explained it to me. I stayed where I felt confused because leaving felt like giving up. I accepted breadcrumbs because I was scared that a little love was better than none. I called it patience, but in reality, I was slowly abandoning myself.

There were moments when I just wanted to be chosen without asking, to be cared for without proving my worth. But instead, I kept giving more – more time, more energy, more chances. And every time I did that, I lost a little more respect for myself.

The truth didn’t hit me all at once. It came in small, quiet realizations. I noticed how some people only showed up when it was convenient. How my availability became expected, not appreciated. How my understanding turned into an excuse for their bare minimum. That’s when it finally clicked – I wasn’t asking for too much, I was asking the wrong people.

I was asking emotionally unavailable people to care deeply. I was asking inconsistent people for stability. I was asking people who never chose themselves to choose me. And then blaming myself when they couldn’t.

Walking away wasn’t dramatic. It was quiet and lonely. I doubted myself a lot at first. I wondered if I was being selfish, if I should have tried harder, if I gave up too soon. But distance gave me clarity. I realized how peaceful it feels to stop explaining your needs to people who never listen, how light it feels to stop chasing effort, how freeing it feels to choose yourself without needing permission.

I still feel deeply. I still care fully. But I no longer beg for basic things like respect, honesty, and presence. If someone can’t meet me halfway, I don’t force the journey anymore. Love shouldn’t feel like constant confusion. Care shouldn’t feel like exhaustion. Connection shouldn’t cost you your self-worth.

If you’re reading this and questioning yourself, thinking you’re too emotional or too needy, pause and ask yourself this – am I really asking for too much, or am I just asking the wrong people? Sometimes the problem isn’t how much you want, it’s where you’re asking from. And choosing better doesn’t make you demanding, it makes you aware.

If you’ve reached till here, maybe some part of this felt familiar. Maybe you’ve also spent time blaming yourself for wanting basic things from people who couldn’t give them. If this story made you pause, reflect, or feel a little less alone, then it did what it was meant to do.

I’m still learning. Still unlearning. Still choosing myself on days it feels uncomfortable. And I’m sharing this because healing feels lighter when it’s shared.

If this resonated with you, you can follow me here on Medium. I write about emotional growth, self-worth, boundaries, and all the quiet lessons we learn while becoming ourselves. You can also clap if this helped you in any way – it supports my writing more than you think.

Thank you for being here and reading till the end.

Sometimes, that itself means something.