THE FUSE

Here is a scenario I have heard recounted to me in various forms over many years. The screaming has stopped, and you feel your tense shoulders finally starting to relax. Your child is calm, or close to it. Maybe the setting is on the edge of the bed, or out on your deck, in a supermarket, or at a holiday dinner (yep, those are the most memorable ones). And here comes the pull that almost every parent feels: now's the time to explain why that was wrong—to talk it out/learn from it—while it's fresh. That instinct is nearly universal, and it's backward.