“I Stayed Quiet Because I Didn’t Want to Be Too Much”
Medium | 24.12.2025 23:41
“I Stayed Quiet Because I Didn’t Want to Be Too Much”
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I learned very early that being quiet was safer than being honest.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have thoughts or feelings.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have opinions or dreams.
It’s just that I was afraid – afraid that if I spoke too loudly, if I asked for too much, people might leave.
So, I stayed quiet.
I smiled when I wanted to scream.
I nodded when I wanted to argue.
I laughed when I wanted to cry.
And slowly… I realized I was disappearing.
⸻
Always Adjusting, Always Hiding
I was the person who would shrink myself so others could fit comfortably around me.
I would lower my expectations, swallow my words, and adjust my mood to match everyone else’s.
At school, at home, with friends, I learned the same lesson over and over:
Being “too much” meant trouble.
Being honest meant risk.
So I stopped asking.
I stopped expressing.
I stopped caring – for myself, mostly.
⸻
The Turning Point
It wasn’t one big dramatic moment.
It was the quiet accumulation of small nights, small hurts, small silences.
I remember one evening, sitting alone in my room, thinking:
“When did my own life become a background for everyone else’s stories?”
I realized I didn’t even remember the last time I had truly spoken my mind.
I didn’t even remember the last time I had cried without hiding it.
And that’s when it hit me:
I wasn’t quiet because I was kind.
I wasn’t quiet because I was strong.
I was quiet because I was scared.
⸻
Learning to Be Enough
Learning to speak up has been hard.
It still is.
Some days, I overthink every word.
Some days, I shrink back and stay silent.
But now, I pause and ask myself:
• “Am I hiding to protect myself, or am I hiding because I’m scared?”
• “Is this silence helping me, or is it hurting me?”
I’m learning that being “too much” is not a flaw.
I’m learning that wanting attention, care, and understanding is human.
I’m learning that my voice deserves to be heard – even if it trembles, even if it’s messy, even if it’s loud.
⸻
If You Feel Like Me
If you’ve ever felt that you must shrink yourself to keep others comfortable,
that your feelings are too heavy, too much, or too complicated,
Please hear me:
You are not too much.
Your emotions are valid.
Your voice deserves space.
Being yourself doesn’t mean you are selfish.
It means you are human.
And you deserve to be seen.
To be heard.
To exist fully – without apology.
⸻
🌿 A small reminder:
Learning to speak up, learning to exist as you truly are, takes time.
But every small step you take to reclaim your voice is proof that you are enough.
