International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and Girls.

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and Girls.

Envisioning Consent

Consent is a big word, but what does it really mean?

Let me explain why I think it is a fancy word and the fanciest thing to practice. When I think about envisioning consent, it often brings to mind the well-known phrase “no means no.” In many ways, both of these ideas represent what envisioning consent truly means. Envisioning consent as requiring “an enthusiastic yes” means experiencing a strong, genuine desire to participate. It is very different from saying yes simply for the sake of it, or because someone feels they should in order to make the other person happy, or to escape an uncomfortable situation. I believe many people have likely found themselves in similar circumstances.

My perspective on the difference between truly wanting something and merely agreeing out of pressure, guilt, or obligation. It clarifies that a real “yes” must come from a place of comfort and desire. If a person says yes while feeling uncertain, uncomfortable, or disinterested, that is not true consent. In many cases, such a response reflects an attempt to keep the peace or avoid hurting another’s feelings, a behavior that many people, especially women, are socially conditioned to adopt. However, this kind of “yes” does not honor personal boundaries or emotional well-being.
On the other hand, “no means no” has the same amount of communication, respect, and understanding. The idea of “an enthusiastic yes” adds the same level of as “no means no,” which is envisioning consent. It also explains that your feelings matter just as much as the other person's. Consent is not just about avoiding harm, but it is about choosing experiences that feel right, safe, and genuinely wanted. And also, if that enthusiasm is not there, the answer should always be “no,” and that should be a valid answer without negative consequences, and it should be respected.

I thought of writing about this because it has become such an important topic, one that we need to learn and teach the next generation so they can be respectful to one another. They should not have to live with the idea of being ashamed or scared to say “no,” and they should always know they have the choice to say “yes” only when they truly want to, without being forced or made to feel guilty.

✍ Sineka Vithanage
#EnvisioningConsent