GRIEF

I’m So Tired of Losing

And the universe hasn’t finished with me yet.

3 min read

Just now

It’s easy to feel like a victim.

It’s easy to feel crushed.

It’s harder to pick yourself back up.

I had taken down all of my Christmas decorations and piled them on my dining room table and a bench next to the kitchen. I couldn’t put them away because the apartment above my garage had an air-conditioning system leak that soaked the garage ceiling. Everything in storage had to be moved out fast so repairs could be made. Boxes were scattered everywhere. Nothing was organized.

In the process, I wrenched my neck, arm, and back badly enough that I couldn’t do much of anything for a week. When the repairs were finally finished, the decorations were still sitting where they’d been.

Tonight, I was watching a Hallmark movie — the kind that always stirs memories of my husband. What we had. What I wish I’d done differently. What I’m grateful for. All the quiet, thoughtful ways he loved me.

Then I heard a crash.

The Christmas tree — the one with all our special ornaments, the ones that mattered to us — fell onto the dining room floor. Glass and pieces scattered everywhere.