What You Don’t See About High-Functioning Autism

Inside the quiet struggle of seeming fine every day.

BRYAN

3 min read

Just now

I’ve mastered the art of seeming fine.

Eye contact? Check. Small talk? It’s all fake.

You would never guess that my energy goes into pretending the world isn’t so difficult.

I can pretend normal better than most people actually are.

By the end of the day, I’m empty. People call it “high-functioning autism,” but what it really means is I’ve learned to hide how hard it is to be in a world that never stops asking for more of me.

It’s not pretending, it’s survival

Almost all people think masking is just pretending.

Like it’s some kind of switch.

But it’s not.

It’s literal survival.

It’s the mental equivalent of holding your breath underwater for hours, only to come up breathing when you’re finally alone.

Every interaction is well thought of: How should I stand? What tone should I use?

Things like that.

It’s dreadful.

By the time I walk away from a conversation, I’ve replayed the conversation at least…