THE FUSE

In love relationships, power struggles are not essentially about power – who gets to rule. They’re about value, specifically, attempts to compensate for precipitous drops in self-value. When self-value falls, as it typically does in arguments with loved ones, partners feel vulnerable but unsafe to expose their vulnerability. To feel less vulnerable, they try to exert power over their partners, either overtly, through devaluing language, or covertly, through sarcasm, tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions.