Closing the Gap Between Who You Are and Who You Want to Be

5 min read

1 hour ago

How reducing “psychological distance” transforms motivation, habits, and long-term change.

As we approach the end of the year, many of us fall into a familiar ritual: looking back at what we didn’t achieve and feeling guilty about it.

Are you still holding onto the same 10 (or 20) pounds?
Still “researching” your business idea instead of building it?
Still “wondering” whether you should finally take that certification programme to level up your skills?

Don’t worry — you’re not alone.

A 2020 study of 1.4 million MyFitnessPal users found that only 18.2% of weight-loss goals were achieved. If you’re a “glass half empty” person, that means about 81% of goals weren’t met. Many of us are excellent at setting goals, but far less effective at following through.

I include myself in that statistic. At the start of the year, I set a goal to hit the gym four times a week in hopes of losing the proverbial 10 pounds. I’m not overweight, but like most of us, I have a few jiggly bits that add up. Unsurprisingly, my goals ended up joining the 81% that quietly disappear into the void where forgotten goals go to die.

When Goals are Too Easy, We Still Fail

Interestingly, the researchers have also found that when goals were too easy such as losing 1 or 2 percent of their body weight for example, people ended up not only not losing any weight, they ended up gaining weight instead. In contrast, 90% of people who set harder goals end up losing weight, even if they don’t meet their target weight loss.

It raises an interesting question:
Were your unachieved goals too easy? Too hard?
Did you actually make progress but still label the goal a failure because the outcome didn’t match the exact number you set?

When Goals Feel Too Far Away

One of the biggest issues is that we often set goals that are too abstract:

“I want to be rich by next year.”
“I want to lose weight.”

Or we swing the other way: goals so unrealistic they feel impossible.

In psychology, this is called psychological distance — the perceived distance between your current self and your envisioned goals and outcomes.

If you’ve never run more than a mile, attempting a marathon as your first race is going to feel like climbing Everest. And speaking of Everest, imagining yourself at the summit is inspiring, but it won’t get you there. What will get you there is something far less glamorous: logging the training hours week after week.

Abstract goals fuel motivation.
Concrete goals drive action.

Both matter — but only one shortens the distance between where you are and where you want to be.

Why Some Goals Motivate Us — and Others Don’t

Take weight loss. Thinking about long-term health benefits doesn’t always spark action. It’s too distant, too conceptual.

But thinking about having more energy tomorrow, or feeling confident in the mirror today?
That feels immediate. It gives your brain something tangible to work with.

When our goals feel closer, we move toward them.
When they feel far away, we stay stuck.

Most of the time, we aren’t resisting change — we’re just not setting goals in a way that supports it.

Systems Over Outcomes

This isn’t a SMART-goal workshop. Instead, I want to highlight a quote from James Clear in Atomic Habits:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Your goal is your desired outcome. Your system is the collection of daily habits that get you there.”

We spend so much time talking about outcomes — how much money we want to make, how many kilos we want to lose — but these don’t help us on the days when motivation disappears.

What does help?
A system that carries you forward anyway.

Think about entrepreneurship. Sure, it’s lovely to imagine becoming the next breakout success and getting interviewed by Oprah. But the dream doesn’t build your business.

The daily, repetitive work does:
Creating products.
Serving clients.
Publishing content.
Showing up even when you don’t feel like it.

Just like an athlete training for the Olympics, you win through repetition, not inspiration.

Your goals don’t create success.
Your systems do.

Examples of Systems That Work

Here are a few everyday systems that reduce psychological distance:

Weight loss: Work out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 8 a.m.
Building an online business: Publish three pieces of content every week.
Relationships: Eat dinner at the table with your partner every evening — phones away.
Health: Cook at home six days a week.

As world-class long-distance runner Rosemary Wanjiru once said:

“When the training is hard, the win is easy.”

Your habits — not your goals — decide your trajectory.

Identity: The Final Layer of Change

James Clear also talks about identity-based habits. Most people think change happens like this:

Outcome → System → Identity

But real change works in reverse:

Identity → System → Outcome

Instead of saying, “I want to run a 5K,”
say, “I am a runner.”

Athletes don’t wake up wondering whether they feel like training.
They train because it’s part of who they are.

When your identity shifts, so does your behaviour.
You stop negotiating with yourself.
You simply follow through because the action matches who you believe you are.

That is how you eliminate psychological distance.
That is how goals become inevitable.

Bridging the Gap in the New Year

As you begin setting goals for the new year, think beyond the outcomes you want.

Ask yourself:

How can I reduce the distance between the goal and who I am today?
What systems can I build that support consistency?
What identity aligns with the person I want to become?
How can I lower daily barriers?
(Do I lay out my gym clothes? Pre-prep meals? Schedule writing time?)

Only you can close the gap between the life you have and the one you want.

Shorten the psychological distance.
Anchor your habits.
Become the person your goals require.

Your outcomes will follow. Here’s to an amazing 2026.