THE FUSE

FAR TOO OFTEN, today’s Hollywood hunks deny their beauty to play a cavalcade of schmucks, freaks, and losers with funny accents, hiding in prosthetics because they think this will transform them into “serious” actors in the public eye. But this strategy doesn’t always pay off. Leo spent two hours and 42 minutes running around in a plaid bathrobe and messy man bun only to lose the Best Actor Oscar to Michael B. Jordan, who played a smokeshow vampire with a spit kink (and his identically sexy twin).