THE FUSE

I was recently scrolling through my emails when I noticed an interesting article posted by users on Quora entitled” why do men struggle mentally in relationships”

Two seconds away from hitting the delete I was intrigued and decided to take a look further and maybe low key compare to find out if anything was relatable from my own experience. Then, out of surprise, I found a comment which instantly threw me completely off guard because it is a topic rarely even discussed between friends in closed circles let alone out in public. The comment highlighted how racial differences are a problem in mixed relationships which results in Mental wellbeing problems.

This got me thinking about a famous TV chef and actress couple here in the United Kingdom. I remember reading an article in a magazine a while ago about how this couple (who I’m not naming names) eventually split under amicable terms, but at the time it was said how racial factors put huge pressure on their relationship. The couple are two of the most recognisable personalities from TV and were regularly seen happily in each others company and had nothing but positive and amazing things to say about their relationship and time together, so, why were they under so much pressure that it was worth splitting over? Was it ultimately societal expectations and pressures which made it too difficult for them to be together and was it doomed from the start?

Of course it was, and people are in denial to think otherwise.

Here is a scenario, I am a black man who shares a photo with my white partner to her white family and friends, do you feel they would raise the fact I am black in the first few minutes? This is a scenario I’ve encountered in real life, and I know this because my partner was open enough to share it with me. It is this exact profiling which can inadvertantly shape peoples perceptions of who is exactly right for us and who would fit right within social expectations. If the woman was embarrassed by the fact people always bring up her partner is black, eventually she may seek normalisation and validation by not dating a black person just to avoid those awkward interactions.

There are friends and families who appear positive of multi ethnic relationships, but micro aggressions progressively build over time to create a bigger picture of what they truly feel about it without actually just outright saying it, all the while instilling negative energy which eventually seaps into the relationship itself. Looking at the celebrity TV couple I feel this is exactly what happened, and not even the strength of their love could stop it from consuming their lives.

Truthfully, if you did a survey in your typical European high street of how many people have been in a true committed relationship outside of their own ethnicity, the results would probably speak.

Right now in Europe we are seeing a big rise in anti immigrant nationalist groups and far right politics. I wonder how much this constant negative attention against ethnic minorities affects how people view themselves and their social standings when they are in mixed relationships? The greater the popular opinion, the less people feel validated and included amongst peers when they are not part of the general consensus, so it is a quick way to alienate themselves away from popular social mediums.

So to end my point, Yes the comment on racial difference being a factor to mens mental health is to me very strong and poignant, love is unconditional, but when choosing between the love of your friends and family becomes the barrier because of it then this is a hard pill to swallow and live with, knowing that race ethnicity is the dividing point between the person you love and the people closest to them, now to me this is enough to have many people questioning their identity and belonging.

We all have our preferences in mind, but for some this is rooted in social ideology, and it is important in these times to recognise another quality which is to choose a partner strong enough to stand up to these challenges when needed the most at the toughest of times, because ultimately if they can’t accept this to be reality with their normal lives, it will only end one way.