Personal Essay

Eight Days into the New Year, and It’s Already Chaos

How am I supposed to Maintain My Physical & Mental Health Goals this Year?

Deevon Wes La Rue

5 min read

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1 hour ago

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Y'all tryin’ to run my blood pressure up.

What in the Actual f*** Is Happening in the First Week of January?

In the wake of the horrific shooting of Renee Nicole Good, I am again frozen in place, glued to my phone. As an introvert, I easily get lost in the darkness of trying to make “sense” of a human’s reckless decision to end a person’s life, and without even realizing it, I start looking for familiar ways to cops. I put two and two together and move to recalibrate quickly.

I get fixated on details, trying my damndest to interpret people’s actions. I don’t know why I do this, but there I am. I replay events over and over, going forward and backward, only to get nowhere. I go so far as to put myself in the shoes of everyone involved, be it the victim, the aggressor, or the bystander.

My state of mind becomes static, not knowing how I should be reacting or feeling.

Tragedy hits me slowly. I have never had instant gut reactions. I don’t scream in rage; I don’t express my emotions outwardly. It all remains internal…