If the Men of the Bible Threw an Owambe in Lagos
Medium | 16.01.2026 07:00
If the Men of the Bible Threw an Owambe in Lagos
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A story of agbadas, egos, and the “Alpha Male” discourse of eternity
By ’Rele Pearce
If the women’s reunion was about gbeborun and healing, the men’s reunion was about one thing: image.
I’m back at my kitchen table, finishing the zobo I started during the women’s session, but the energy on my screen has shifted. The venue is the same Lagos event centre — but the security is tighter, the SUVs are larger, and the Alpha Male energy is high enough to trip the circuit breakers.
Welcome to the Men of the Bible Reunion — where the beards are full, the agbadas are stiff with starch, and nobody wants to sit next to the man whose scandal looks too much like theirs.
The “Leadership Is Stress” Panel
David arrived late. Naturally.
He still has that man-after-God’s-own-heart glow, but Saul was already seated in the front row, spirit heavy, giving him the I saw you before you were famous side-eye.
David didn’t greet him. He went straight to VIP.
Then Solomon took the mic, dressed like a man who has never met the word austerity.
“Gentlemen,” he began, adjusting his gold cufflinks, “leadership is lonely. Especially when God blesses you with wisdom, wealth, and — ”
“ — and a thousand reasons to forget your own advice?” a voice shouted from the back.
The room went silent.
Solomon smiled a tight smile. “Let’s focus on legacy, not logistics.”
The “It Wasn’t Just Me” Breakout Session
Adam finally stood up.
He looked like a man who has been “taking the fall” for six thousand years and is tired of it.
“I just want it on record,” he said, glancing toward the women’s section, “that I didn’t eat that fruit in a vacuum. I’ve been called irresponsible for generations, but nobody asks why I was silent.”
That landed.
Because in Lagos — and in the Bible — silence is a recurring male strategy.
Jacob raised his hand.
“At least you married one woman. I was scammed into a Buy-One-Get-One-Free marriage I didn’t sign up for.”
Joseph leaned back in his designer robe and whispered,
“So favouritism didn’t start with me? It’s a family business?”
Job and the Prosperity Gospel
Joseph’s segment sounded like a LinkedIn post:
From the pit to the palace. #Resilience #Favour.
The men clapped. They love a success story.
Then Job stood up.
No agbada. Just scars.
“So… are we pretending obedience guarantees a soft life?”
The silence that followed was deep.
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Job reminded them of something uncomfortable:
Sometimes you do everything right and the roof still caves in.
That’s a kitchen-table truth many men aren’t taught to hold.
Samson and the Provider Discourse
Samson arrived flexing, looking like he just left a celebrity trainer.
“My problem was love,” he announced.
The entire room groaned.
Even David muttered, “No, king. Your problem was disclosure.”
It was a familiar move — leaning on blame where boundaries were missing.
The David and Bathsheba Elephant
A man finally asked the question.
“David… do you regret it?”
David paused.
The poet-king looked suddenly small.
“I regret the consequences.”
Bathsheba didn’t say a word.
She didn’t need to.
That distinction — regretting the cost rather than the choice — is still alive and well in Lagos.
The View from the Kitchen Table
Watching these men defend their legacies, I realise something:
The women’s reunion was loud because they were finally being heard.
The men’s reunion is loud because they are trying to stay in control.
They speak easily about anointing, leadership, and provision.
They struggle with accountability, partnership, and listening.
And truthfully, modern women aren’t the only ones unlearning old scripts — but men’s scripts often have sharper consequences.
If these men were in Lagos today, they’d have the biggest podcasts and the boldest microphones — champions of “provider” discourse while quietly avoiding the vulnerability partnership requires.
In Second Time Around, I write about the middle of becoming.
These men remind us that being chosen does not mean being finished.
The real work of modern relationships isn’t about who leads the procession.
It’s about who is willing to sit at the kitchen table, drop the ego, and listen.
— ’Rele
About the Author
’Rele Pearce writes from her kitchen table in Lagos, where the stories we laugh about and the stories we ache through often turn out to be the same stories. In a world that demands women be “finished products,” she writes for those in the middle of a becoming.
Her work explores the dualities of lived faith: the quiet weight of parenting and grief, and the loud, healing joy of Nigerian culture. She is the author of Second Time Around, a book about rebuilding when life doesn’t follow the original script.
Whether she’s imagining a biblical Owambe or reflecting on the silence of an absent parent, her goal is the same: to name our stories with courage and clarity.
