Psychology Today | 02.11.2026 16:52
It’s something I come across in the consulting room all the time. A client has come to therapy to stop doing something she knows is not serving her. “I need to stop taking her calls”; “I need to stop always picking up after him”; “I need to stop neglecting myself.” So what gets in the way? This is a question I ask a lot. And more often than not, the answer is guilt: “I just feel too guilty when I don’t do it.” And after some probing, the story often goes something like this: If I don’t do what my guilt tells me to do, I’m a bad person, a bad mum, a bad friend, a bad daughter. I’m not who I want to be. If I got rid of my guilt, I wouldn’t know who I am anymore. I’m always the one who takes care of others and fixes things. What if I let go of my guilt and I become lazy and selfish?
