Growing Up Jewish (Without Being Jewish)

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I have a perspective on Jewish Americans that most people don’t get to have.

I grew up in the north suburbs of Chicago — an area with the third-highest Jewish population in the country, behind only LA and NYC. My entire childhood, and well into adulthood, I was surrounded by the Jewish community.

And what a beautiful community it was.

I’m in this incredibly unique situation where I can shed light on the Jewish community through my life experiences — not as an outsider looking in, but as someone who grew up inside it, even though I’m not Jewish myself.

The People Who Shaped Me

My first girlfriend — my childhood crush, my first kiss — was a Harris. Until she married a Levin. I went to the wedding. Two of the best people I know. Great families. Great people.

One of my favorite baseball coaches as a kid, someone I still keep in touch with today, is a Blackman. He made an incredible impact on me as a child. He was kind when many others were not. That will be a theme here.

My first bat mitzvah was in 8th grade, for a Mandell. Shout out to her if she’s reading this. We stayed in touch well into adulthood.

My friendship circle growing up featured a Shein and a Fine. My classmates and teammates, as far back as I can remember, were Jewish. That was normal to me. And it made zero difference to me.

These were the best people I had ever met.

All of my parties in high school, my laughs, my proms, jumping out of airplanes after graduation — I was doing it mostly with my Jewish friends. I never thought twice about it.

I grew up in an agnostic home. Religion, color of skin, sexuality — none of it has ever mattered to me when I look to connect with humans. It has always been about who you are underneath.

My absolute best friends — people I took trips with in college, went to weddings with, stayed up late talking to — most of them were at least half Jewish. My absolute best friends.

College and Beyond

In college, I went to play basketball all the way down on the southern tip of Texas. My head coach was a Marks — a Jewish man from Chicago. He is the best. I stayed very close with him after I graduated. He was incredibly good to me, again, when I needed it most. He was funny and kind and smart and just an incredible human.

We would go to Chicago, and he would take the team to Katz Deli (the best — you must go). He really introduced me to Jewish food. I looked forward to that trip every year.

Post-college, I became friends with my college best friend’s circle from Sarasota, Florida. I developed an instant bond with them — especially a Goldberger. I would say every single day from the time I was 24 to now, I have talked to him. Sports, life, just a guys’ group chat. He is one of the best people I’ve ever met.

Through him, I met a Schapiro. We do fantasy football and baseball every year. We do live drafts and fly everywhere to be together. It’s the best time ever.

One of my childhood best friends married a Rolsky, and some of my best memories in life are with her and because of her — like when she secretly planned a Mexico City trip for her husband’s 30th birthday and made sure I made it. It was so good I even tried to convince her to start a travel planning business with me. She smartly declined.

My whole entire life to this point, 90% of my greatest memories have been with Jewish people. They have been the best people in the world to me, and I love them with all my heart.

Why This Matters Now

Which is why, eight years ago, I flew to Berlin. Alone. I visited the Jewish Holocaust Museum, where I felt a deep and surreal sadness. I made a long Instagram post about it.

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And why, a few years ago, when NBA player Kyrie Irving made the incredibly disgusting decision to share a link to a Holocaust denial documentary on his Twitter, I immediately went to Facebook and bashed it. I have never been shy about my voice on social media when it comes to injustice or disgusting views that could harm a community.

In fact, my college teammates were mad at me for slamming Kyrie Irving. They said he did nothing wrong.

We all have our camps, I guess. Not sure which one I’m in. Seems like I’m just a nomad.

The Reality Most People Don’t Know

I think it’s important right now for people to understand just how incredible Jewish people are.

I never thought about it until recently, but most people never know a Jewish person. Because for me, it was so normal. I was surrounded by the Jewish community. My mom watched Seinfeld. To this day, Seinfeldremains my favorite sitcom of all time. I think I’ve watched it start to finish 100 times, and it’s still my go-to when I’m doing nothing.

Jewish culture and friends have always been my norm. But in recent years, I realize that is not even close to everyone else’s experience.

That’s why I’m in this incredibly unique situation. I can shed light on the Jewish community through lived experience — not as someone on the outside looking in, but as someone who was raised inside it, even though I’m not Jewish myself.

The media and social media are doing their best to divide people in the United States — any way possible. To create hate. To create teams and sides.

As I said, I am not a teams-or-sides guy. So I will not fall victim to that.

A Personal Attack, and Why I Won’t Take the Bait

A year ago, I was the subject of a brutal online attack by a hate group called “Stop Antisemitism.” The goal was to publicly doxx me and ruin my life by labeling me an antisemite. It has had a horrible effect on my life.

And yet, I will not take the bait.

I know the goal of an organization like that is to create hate. To make me actually hate my Jewish friends and community. But I won’t. I know an organization like that has zero context. And knows nothing about me or my life.

But that’s the times we live in. Shoot first, ask questions later.

The Line I Will Not Cross

So I encourage everyone out there reading this: Be above hate.

I have never associated any of the people above with the country of Israel. And I never want to conflate those two. Because the country of Israel is an independent nation thousands of miles away. And my friends and my community are human beings that I have love and memories with. They are real people with real hearts.

So anyone reading this — do not muddy the waters.

If you meet a Jewish person, odds are you’re going to love them. Try to meet Jewish people. Do not make assumptions about them. Any hate you might feel from stuff you see about other countries — leave it in that space.

I will always know that how I feel about what is happening and has happened to the Palestinian people comes from a great place. And I will always know that it has absolutely nothing to do with the incredible people from the Jewish community who are in my life and have helped me become the person I am today.

A Simple Ask

So go out. Grab yourself a pastrami sandwich from a local deli if you can. Toss on your favorite season of Seinfeld (I prefer 8). Or, when someone tells you they are Jewish, think nothing differently about them — as I have my entire life.

Because you are going to be much better in life without labeling and having preconceived judgments about others.