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She Has to Split Bills

Not Wait till marriage…

7 min read

1 hour ago

I am tired of the gap between what people say they want and what they actually do. The gap is loud and obvious when it comes to relationships. Everyone who calls themselves progressive or woke will tell you they want an equal marriage. Equality gets the nod at brunch, the like on social posts, the solemn promise when the topic surfaces. Reality shows up differently when the texting starts and the first date is planned. What people accept before the vows becomes what they live with after the vows. That truth is ugly simple.

Here is the brutal part most people avoid saying because it feels like an accusation. Dating is not a neutral arena for testing chemistry. Dating is a training ground for how power will be distributed in a partnership. The rituals you either perform or accept now program the default settings later. When one person consistently pays, decides, initiates, and forgives, the relationship learns to expect that pattern. Habits harden. Roles calcify. People say they do not want that outcome while their behavior invites it anyway.

I have watched it happen around me and I have seen it in myself at times. There is a comfort in handing over responsibility. Choosing to be wooed is not a sin. Feeling chivalry as flattering does not make you wrong. The problem starts when you confuse comfort with surrender…