I Used to Feel Guilty for Setting Boundaries. Now I Love It.

I love the sound of the door closing.

7 min read

Just now

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I used to think boundaries were something I did to people.

I was dead sure that whenever I said ‘no’, refused a meeting, stayed at home, I was disappointing people. My thinking was: setting boundaries made me difficult.

So I avoided them.

In my mind, boundaries were dangerous because they went along with losing people. I feared setting boundaries because I didn’t trust what would happen after. I didn’t trust my ability to handle the discomfort. And I definitely didn’t trust that I could say no without becoming the villain in someone else’s story.

Instead, I lived in this constant state of leniency.

I made my life a public park. People walked through whenever they wanted. They left trash. They played music too loud. They sat on the grass and complained. They asked for things they didn’t plan for. And I smiled like it didn’t bother me, because deep down I thought that’s what good people do.

Good people accommodate. Good people don’t make anyone feel inconvenient, right?

And I was so desperate to be good. So, I built my personality around being easy.