The Flip side of split childcare

2 min read

Just now

Listen

Modern families which try to implement the principle of equal carework done. Everyone working, everyone doing care work.
I use care work. Because it's handled like a chore.
Like another job description.
Duty basically

I guess you all know how it feels when a person is around you and perceives of themselves as on duty.

Now you know how you children feel like!

Get Sepp Forscher’s stories in your inbox

Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.

You cannot split the care work and chores without taking the children's wishes into consideration.
The child sometimes prefers being around one parent. Don't it's wishes also matter?

Shouldn't they actually be the primary criterion?

A parent isn't necessary bad when it doesn't do half of the chores and care work. Children feel drawn to one parent for many reasons. Not just because the other is bad. There is also the possibility that the child wants to proof it's affection to the other parent more. If you deny that you basically disapproving of the child's feelings. Do you really want to do that? Just because you are tired from work?
Do your children deserve that?
Maybe that's the point where you begin asking yourself why you are so tired when you come from work and why you don't spare your energy so there is some left for your children. Or you work less... i mean many couples don't even talk about that. Their identities depend too much on work to even allow for one to be less engaged. It doesn't make you inferior to work less. Maybe it has effects on your social security account and your overall financial situation, I admit. But especially with children you want to invest time and be available to grow with them. right?

I really don't mean to offend anyone. But, you know, if mum and dad put it in there heads that they do strict 50-50 where is the child? do you even have enough room to sense the nuances of life left? that there are other considerations then the formal Realisation of equality? where is the depth?
don't get me wrong I'm not talking traf wifes or traditional family stuff. I'm talking of giving children the attention they deserve. and one thing I know for sure: a person occupied with work is not sensible to pay attention to the nuanced needs of a child.

remember the old saying: where your attention is there is you heart.