John Slinger MP Might Be the National Punchline, But the Real Joke is on the Residents of Rugby Town

4 min read

Just now

UK readers!

I do feel it my absolute duty, just in case anyone missed it (and hopefully, if you’re reading this, you did) to let you know that The Daily Mail (yes, THAT vile fucking demon-scroll) published a paragraph last week casually dragging our beloved MP John Slinger harder than this recovering addict right here (waves 👋🏻) has to drag his ass to a Monday morning AA meeting.

They did not just criticise him.
They did not debate him.
They did not even politely shade him.

They called him, and I quote:

“that sorry creature Slinger from Rugby.”

A creature, folks.

Not a man.
Not an MP.
A creature.

Like he crawled out of a drain in Whitehall whispering, “Daddy Keir… please notice me… Dadda… pllllleeeeeaaaassssee.”

Now, of course, normally I would NEVER align myself with anything the Daily Mail says because every fascist on the DL reads it and every article makes my soul shed a layer faster than a motherfucking onion at a cook-off competition in the Bordeauine.

But I have to say that just once last Thursday, a very rare day of cosmic alignment, they actually landed on an actual truth.

John Slinger is becoming nothing more than a national punchline.

Now, it is natural to want to laugh. And laugh we all indeed can, most heartily. However, sadly, now is not the right time to allow that laugh to go on for too long or to overshadow the problem.

Because here's the real issue, and it is one Rugby cannot afford to ignore:

The joke is actually on us all.

The town he represents.
The community he claims to care about.
The people whose reputation he drags down every time he opens his mouth in Parliament.

John Slinger is an embarrassment.

And every time he embarrasses himself nationally, he embarrasses Rugby.

Every time he grovels to Keir Starmer like a petulant teenager begging for festival tickets, Rugby ends up looking pathetic, small, unserious and politically incompetent.

Every time he posts some delusional, surface-level propaganda on social media that insults the intelligence of this town, he makes Rugby look like a place willing to tolerate complete and utter nonsense. A place happy to have the piss ripped out of it.

And that affects every last resident here.

Now, you might ask: Why should Rugby care this much?

Well, let me tell you.

Reputation is power.

Reputation attracts investment.
Reputation builds partnerships.
Reputation determines whether national organisations and cultural institutions take a place seriously.

Right now, our MP is making us look like the cheap joke entirely.

And jokes do not get investment.
Jokes do not get regeneration.
Jokes do not get cultural funding.
Jokes do not get taken seriously by government ministers.

If an MP is perceived as a desperate backbencher who adds nothing to policy discussions except noise, he cannot command respect. He cannot negotiate effectively. He cannot defend us when it matters.

And Rugby will pay the price for that incompetence in:

Economic stagnation.
Lack of infrastructure.
No meaningful youth investment.
Our town branded as backward, right-wing and out of touch.

Meanwhile, John Slinger gleefully chases clout in Westminster like a budget court jester desperate to hold onto his balls (the juggling kind, people… relax 🤣)

But in all seriousness:

Rugby deserves better than to be the constituency the rest of the population sniggers at.

Rugby deserves a representative whose presence commands respect, not pity.
Rugby deserves someone who can challenge power, not polish it like the turd the whole country knows it currently is.
Rugby deserves someone who understands that being an MP is not about being a desperate, career-chasing cheerleader for whoever sits at the top of the Labour Party this week or next week.

It is about safeguarding this town.
It is about representing its people with integrity.
It is about fighting for infrastructure, industry, culture and community.

Eighteen months is surely long enough to show us what he is.
He has chosen to be the punchline.