How I beat my hospital phobia to become a midwife

Hope Jezzard's phobia of hospitals was so intense that it seemed inconceivable she would ever work in one. Now, Hope is a midwife who helps mothers overcome their fears.

Hospital phobia, or nosocomephobia, is one of a number of recognised anxiety disorders commonly associated with traumatic childhood experiences.

Hope told BBC Radio 5 Live that her mum was in and out of the hospital during her childhood.

"She nearly died twice and was put on life support. I had to leave her behind and although I knew she was being helped, it felt like I was being separated from her."

When Hope entered her teens and early twenties, any routine appointment would set her heart racing, she says.

"It manifested as feeling very anxious, panicky, being very triggered by smells and noises in hospitals," she says.

John Hawker, a psychotherapist who helps people deal with phobias, says a fear of hospitals is "quite common", often begins in childhood and is triggered by sights, smells and sounds.

"Perhaps when somebody was six weeks old, they were given an injection, and the memory of that injection was the smell of surgical spirit," he says.

"A bit of their brain was triggered by the smell of surgical spirit, and it doesn't matter how much logic that you tried to use to overcome that; they still don't want to walk into the hospital," he says.

'The first few shifts were terrifying'

When Hope had to go to hospital appointments during her pregnancies and for the births of her two children, she says the support she received from her midwives inspired her to think about pursuing the same career.

At first her hospital phobia made the idea seem impossible but "over time the desire to try and help people trumped my fear," she says.

She left her job in a coffee shop to study for a degree in Midwifery at Coventry University.

"Going into a hospital was a massive challenge. I had avoided clinical settings for years. The first few shifts were terrifying," she says. "But over time, I became more comfortable."

She credits talking therapy with helping her work through the negative associations she had with hospitals.

"One of the tools I was given was the idea of the compassionate self - treating yourself in the same way you would a friend if they said to you 'I'm terrified to go into a hospital'.

"You might say 'can I come with you, can I hold your hand, would you like to talk beforehand or talk while it's happening?"

She also advised writing down a "stream of consciousness" when feeling overwhelmed by fear.

"Don't try and make sense of it or punctuate it or even make it legible it can be as simple as 'I'm scared I'm going to die'. You can throw it away or keep it and come back to it," she says.

Tips to cope with a fear of hospitals

• Write down your fears - putting them on to paper can give you perspective
• Take someone with you - a trusted person may help you to relax
• Tell hospital staff - They will be better equipped to help you if they know
• Tell your GP - They may refer you to an expert in behavioural therapy, such as a psychologist

Kim Black says she was "absolutely frozen" by her fear of hospitals after being diagnosed with hip dysplasia aged four. She says she developed paediatric medical traumatic stress following multiple surgeries.

"I would do anything not to go to the hospital, anything, I would just completely disassociate or avoid it altogether," she says.

"I once went to hospital actually dragging my leg behind me and I couldn't lift it up because that was how long I waited to go."

Kim now helps people to overcome their hospital phobias and build confidence after major surgery.

"Something that I do with my work is actually help prepare people to advocate for themselves and set up good boundaries when they go in," she says.

She says it helps her to "get ahead of spiralling thoughts" by writing them down.

"When I get to the hospital, I speak directly to whoever comes up to me and I tell them straight away, this is what I'm dealing with."

Mr Hawker says it is possible to combat a fear of hospitals through numerous therapies aimed at helping people detach from distressing memories without having to relive trauma.

"Hopefully overcoming that phobic response will allow somebody to feel much more empowered when they walk into a medical situation," he says.

Hope says putting herself in the environment that made her frightened for short periods gradually helped her to get used to hospitals.

"Now I'm a midwife and there are moments when I just want to run out of there but I've turned a very negative experience as a child into a very positive way to help people as an adult."