The Cost of Being Managed Instead of Supported

4 min read

Just now

From an early age, I was taught that needing support — especially around disability — was something to manage quietly. I wasn’t allowed to ask for help. I learned to push through, to perform, and to adjust myself to the world rather than expect the world to adjust for me.

Living with a different Ability is not a bad thing.— it’s part of my lived experience. I often say “different ability” because I’ve always adapted. I worked hard, raised my family, and tried to navigate systems that were never designed with me in mind.

But adapting in silence comes with consequences.

I have a vision impairment. Later in life, wearing contacts sometimes hid that impairment from others — but that did not mean my vision was corrected. My vision existed on a spectrum. I didn’t realize until adulthood that I have a dystrophy that causes vision loss and can lead to blindness.

Different Abilities is not shameful. Being Black should not come with added barriers — but in reality, it often does. Adoption should not require silence. And no one should be expected to rise above systemic inequities without support.

When needs aren’t visible — and you aren’t allowed to ask for help — they go unaddressed.

That kind of environment teaches you early to stop asking for help and to adapt instead of learning that help is okay. It teaches you to stay quiet so others don’t have to change. In my case, it also meant that people who wanted to…