The Courage to Choose Yourself: Lessons from Shiva and Parvati

Dare to lead

5 min read

·

Just now

The First Story That Ever Felt Like Mine

I grew up in a culture where Sita Kalyana, the wedding of Sita and Rama, was treated as the gold standard of womanhood.
It played at weddings, ceremonies, festivals, even on days meant for good luck.

It was everywhere.
It was unquestioned.
It was handed to every girl as the “ideal” of devotion, purity, and virtue.

But even as a child, something in me was bothered when I heard it.
Not out of rebellion, but out of instinct.
Something in that story didn’t feel like mine.
Something in it didn’t resemble the woman I was becoming or the woman I sensed inside myself.

Because even then, without knowing the words for it,
I already belonged to another story, the story of Shiva and Parvati.
A story that felt like truth long before anyone explained its meaning aloud.

Sita and Rama: A Story of Virtue… and Endurance

For readers unfamiliar with the mythology:

Sita and Rama come from the ancient Indian epic, the Ramayana.

Rama is revered for righteousness and discipline.
Sita is revered for devotion, gentleness, and grace.

Their love story is celebrated, but beneath it lies a painful reality:

Sita is kidnapped during exile.

After being rescued, she is doubted by society.

She undergoes a trial by fire to prove innocence.

She passes, yet rumors persist.

Eventually, Rama abandons her while she is pregnant.

She raises their children alone.

When asked to return, she refuses and chooses dignity over acceptance.

Sita’s story is not one of agency.
It is a story of endurance, elevated into an ideal women were asked to follow.

Be patient.
Be silent.
Be pure.
Endure.

That was the narrative handed to girls like me.

But it was never the story that shaped me.

Shiva and Parvati: A Story of Equality, Choice, and Wholeness

Shiva and Parvati belong to a different lineage of texts and philosophies.

Shiva is the ascetic, meditation, stillness, destruction of ego.
Parvati is the daughter of the mountains, determined, joyful, fierce, powerful.

Their union reflects something revolutionary:

Parvati chooses Shiva with clarity.

She undergoes spiritual discipline to rise into her own power.

Shiva tests her not to break her, but to ensure her strength is self-defined.

Their marriage is a meeting of equals energy and consciousness, fire and calm.

They become Ardha Nareeshwara, one being, half male, half female, symbolizing perfect balance.

This is not a story of endurance.
It is a story of choice, agency, and equality.

And that always felt like mine, even before I fully understood why.

Why Ganesha Was Created, And Why This Story Matters

Most people never hear the real truth behind Ganesha’s creation.
But if we’re celebrating Shiva and Parvati, we must understand this part because it reveals Parvati’s power.

For those unfamiliar:

Parvati created Ganesha by herself.

Here’s why:

Parvati wanted privacy in her chambers.
But Shiva’s attendants ignored her boundaries and walked in freely.
She realized:

Everyone protected Shiva.
No one protected her.

So she took autonomy into her own hands.

She shaped a child from turmeric, breathed life into him, and told him:

“Do not let anyone enter without my permission.”

This was not an act of defiance.
This was a woman establishing dignity, selfhood, and space, the earliest example of boundary-setting in mythology.

When Shiva returned, Ganesha, not knowing him, stopped him.
A tragic confrontation followed, ending with Ganesha’s beheading.

Get Dare to lead’s stories in your inbox

Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.

Parvati’s grief was devastating.
And Shiva responded with respect:

He acknowledged her agency

He corrected his mistake

He revived Ganesha

He accepted him as their son

He honored Parvati’s creation

Here is the truth people rarely say aloud:

Ganesha was born from Parvati’s autonomy, not permission.
From her boundaries, not silence.
From her dignity, not obedience.

Shiva does not diminish her for this, he honors her.

This is the foundation of their union.
And it is why their story matters so deeply today.

Why Parvati’s Story Felt Like Mine Long Before I Could Name It

I was never the girl molded by Sita’s quiet suffering.
I was the girl shaped by Parvati’s clarity.

I never resonated with endurance.
I resonated with fire.

I never inherited silence.
I inherited truth.

Parvati showed me even as a young girl that womanhood is not measured by how much you tolerate.
It is defined by how boldly you claim your boundaries and your identity.

And deep down, I always knew this.

The Shiva–Parvati Dynamic in Real Life

Years later, when I met someone whose presence felt like a mountain — steady, calm, grounding, the story didn’t suddenly click.

It simply mirrored what I already understood.

He did not fear my intensity.
He did not shrink when I set boundaries.
He did not need me to be small to feel secure.

Instead, he said something simple and powerful:

“You have my full support in speaking your truth.”

He was the mountain.
I was the fire.
And together, it wasn’t chaos, it was peace.

But here is the truth:
I did not need him to understand Parvati.
I already understood her.

He simply gave me a space where my Parvati-like fire could exist without apology.

That is the essence of Shiva–Parvati.
And it has always lived inside me.

Why Their Union Should Be Celebrated Today

Because it offers a story women deserve:

1. A woman who chooses, not one who waits.

2. A relationship based on respect, not endurance.

3. A love that strengthens identity, not erases it.

4. A model of equality older than modern feminism.

5. A union where boundaries are sacred, not inconvenient.

6. A partnership where fire and calm coexist without fear.

Sita’s story teaches survival.
Parvati’s story teaches self-definition.

Sita’s story teaches silence.
Parvati’s story teaches voice.

Sita’s story teaches endurance.
Parvati’s story teaches agency.

And the story of Ganesha teaches that a woman’s autonomy and boundaries are sacred, even to the gods.

This is why their union matters.
This is why it deserves to be celebrated.

The Woman I Became

I wasn’t shaped by the story I was told.
I was shaped by the story I recognized as my own.

I didn’t become myself through endurance.
I became myself through truth.

I didn’t rise through silence.
I rose through fire.

And I always understood the meaning of Shiva and Parvati
because I always understood myself.

That is why I celebrate their union.
Because it reflects the woman I am,
the balance I carry,
and the belonging I always deserved.

Dedication

I dedicate this to every woman who grew up being told to be Sita
patient, silent, enduring.
You were never meant to shrink yourself into someone else’s story.
Your fire was always sacred.
Your boundaries were always valid.
Your truth was always enough.
May you claim the path of Parvati:
the woman who chose, who rose,
who refused to disappear.